I’ve had numerous thoughts on this.  Does motherhood really have an expiry date?  How do you know when to stop “mothering” your children?  Some would say you nurture your children till death us do part.  Some would say let them out on their own, push them out, cut off all help with the exception of advice.  I’m not a believer in pushing them out.  I cannot cut them off, it’s not in my make-up, personality or ability at the moment.

I have three adult children in various stages of life.  One has left the nest but we are in contact at least weekly even though she’s across the country.  Two are still at home and have suffered with anxiety, an insidious mental problem that has many forms and many levels.  It’s a kind of description given when no-one really knows what the actual problem is.  You spend years trying to figure it out when really, can you? or should you try to move forward instead of dwelling in the past.

I have many years of experience working through this as a provider, although it’s never really clear if I am also part of the problem.  We have been to many therapists, psychologists, psychiatrists and just plain GP’s.  Most of them recommend drugs in various forms and take thousands out of your hard earned income where progress is measured in years not visits.  One of my children has embraced the drugs and it’s really working well.  I’m a fan of what works – if it doesn’t work for you, then that’s ok.  If you don’t believe it works, it never will.

Anxiety issues are a mix of beliefs, chemical, environmental, historical and current events,  all of which makes it nearly impossible to pinpoint the exact moment or reason for your current state of mind.  How did we get here?  What’s the path back?  What even is a “normal” life supposed to be?

Conviction to change is powerful tool when trying to redirect your life and many articles, songs, Ted Talks, quotes, books and websites are devoted to it.  It’s really the only thing that moves you forward.  If you don’t have the conviction to change, no amount of money or power or positive talk will help you.

This brings us to the caregiver.

What is the most powerful tool they have?  Love, support and also conviction to help the person succeed.  Success can be measured in many ways.  Maybe they finally made that phone call that’s had them in sweats just thinking about it, maybe they finally went to the dentist and had those fillings that have filled them with dread, maybe went to the store by themselves for the first time and bought something.  These are successes and even though the world does this daily – it’s new to them and they succeeded.  The support is tricky, don’t over play it, don’t belittle it by saying you could do better, don’t ignore it either.   Don’t forget to look after yourself.  Sometimes I forget that part and start feeling like a slave.  It’s okay to say you’re feeling overwhelmed but that you always have their back.  You can show vulnerability because that’s part of life and showing how to cope with pressures is a good teacher for those frozen because of it.

I’m on this journey.  It’s a never-ending story that I will part of until I die.   Maybe you have a similar story.  Life is an iceberg and you can only really work with what’s above the waterline, but we know there is so much more under the water.  Learn from the past but don’t dwell on it.  Take what’s in your heart and mold it into your future.  Follow your dreams, make plans but don’t be disappointed if they fall through.  Life has a path for you whether you mold your future or not.  Where will your path lead you?