Runaway Train

Our year of living dangerously

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or LOOKING BACK IN A PANDEMIC

I know that I am not alone. It’s all a little blurry looking back to life before covid. Heavy traffic, crowds, line-ups, actually seeing peoples faces even. Going to a concert, a movie, a mall or a festival was gone in a heartbeat last year and this one looking like more of the same at least for half of it.

There is a world of people hurting, confused, angry, denying, coping and for the most part, we’re getting by.

Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, TikToc and all the other social media sites have been our only connection to the world and family and friends. It’s also been the bane of our existence in some circumstances. Family members we rarely see physically are now shunning us, or we them, because of differences of viewpoints that we can no longer overcome with small talk. Loved ones are leaving because somehow our point of view makes it impossible to find any common ground anymore.

How did this happen? Why did it happen. Like a multi-car collision that just keeps building, it continues to create victims. Stopping the flow of false news is tough when no one seems to recognize what’s true or false anymore. Getting back to science, medicine and basic human dignity would help but a growing number of people have succumbed to the conspiracies drifting through social media like a tidal wave. There seems to be no common sense anymore. Some have a penchant for believing that maybe everyone is lying to them – so it’s easy to follow the bread crumbs and just fade into a world of fear, hate, and conspiracy. I don’t condone or pander to it. I have tried to have conversations but it’s difficult when everything we do revolves around the pandemic and they think it’s a hoax. There is no common ground any more.

Conspiracies have been around since man could speak and point. We need that ability to question what’s before us and freedom to say what we think. With that freedom comes great responsibility and consequence. If you say something that doesn’t really affect or hurt anyone directly, no problem. If you say something that defies science but still doesn’t really hurt or affect anyone directly, no problem, but now you’re bringing attention to yourself. If you say something that will affect people directly and cause them to put themselves in harms way, now you’re crossing a line. You will get attention, you can still say it, but now the consequences come in to play. Hate, racism, violence, threats are examples of speech that will get you in hot water.

Here’s a little pyramid to help you know where to draw the line and when you’ve stepped over it.

Stuff I Discovered

Dog park madness

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There are many off leash parks in the Ottawa area that don’t have that many dogs running around. Socializing your dog with other dogs and people is a good thing. Healthy outdoor activity and a change of scenery all dog owners and dogs need.

Whose responsibility is it to maintain order? All of us! Everyone who has a dog and ventures onto public land be it a dog park or a public street, is responsible. This mostly mandated through bylaw and most of it is common sense. Your dog, your problem – you can lose your dog if it bites someone or is too aggressive with other dogs. Suck it up and start taking that responsibility for your own situation. You know your dog, and if you don’t, a public off leash park isn’t the place to discover it.

Dogs need to be able to socialize and run with other dogs to learn their own language.

Dog park attendees have numerous Facebook pages where you can experience the joys and pains of dog ownership. Here you can also participate in discussions about whether or not it’s right for you and your pet. Many opinions conflict, from those who think people with aggressive dogs should stay away, to those who have well behaved dogs to those think dogs will be dogs and some who are so terrified and overprotective that they won’t consider taking their dog to any park. Most of the discussion I’ve seen stems from owners not really knowing or wanting to believe their precious pet is really a dog. Pampered so much they aren’t even aware they’re a dog anymore. Some owners see no need to have any control over their dog and will completely ignore or worse yell at and insult people who think their aggressive dog should be on a leash .

Your dog will become overprotective of you and psychologically unbalanced if they only ever see you and you are terrified of meeting other dogs. Dogs will mirror your emotions and protect you if they feel your fear, barking and lunging at anyone or anything that comes close. Other dogs will sense this fear and react aggressively toward your dog.

Dogs that chase and attack are also a result of lack of control – allowed to behave whatever way they want – in fact, these dogs become territorial and everywhere they are – they are the boss. This is an owner issue as well.

When approached by an aggressive dog you should remain absolutely calm and don’t back away, yell at them or motion to them. Stand your ground, do not look them in the eye and wait for them to be the first to move (a sign of submission). If they are obsessing over your dog (before they are aggressive), move between them and your dog, catch their eye say “hey” in a short gruff voice until they look at you and listen or go away. You can add a “good dog” at the end when they listen – to help reinforce that deflection. Screaming, waving your hands, hitting them or any other type of panic behavior puts you in harms way and signals the dog that you are not in control. This invites an attack.

I have had the pleasure of sharing life with a number of dogs over the years with different personalities including one that had limits to how long he could handle a dog park. He had ‘fear aggression’, so he would run successfully with other dogs for about 15-20 min and then simply be done with all the dogs. That was our queue to leave the park, as typically leashing doesn’t prevent a loose dog from running up to him. We went early morning or evening when there were few dogs in the park. We taught him to recognize his limits by taking a que from me and whenever he was tired of the other dog he would come back to me and I would make sure the other dog knew he was off limits- even in the busy park. His time out.

Our new dog is a street dog, who is already aware of the language, however, city protected dogs don’t often know that language and react based on their owner’s energy. She now pays no attention at all to yappy dogs, aggressive dogs on leashes or anything – but rabbits lol and walks off leash everywhere without fear or worry. She can pass within 6 ft of another dog; be aware they are there but keep going and ignore them unless we specifically stop and meet them. We have taught ourselves the body language we need to not raise a protective response from her. If we don’t worry, she won’t, but we also make sure she will return to us or drop any food she finds. This one is particularly tough learn for a dog who had to eat street scraps to survive.

There are a few good training videos that can help you with this journey listed below.  It helps to know it is not just your dog you’re working on but also yourself.  You are responsible, energy wise, how your dog responds to the world around it.  Try it, you will be amazed at the results.  Calmer you, calmer dog.  Don’t feel threatened and neither will your dog.

Victoria Stillwell – It’s Me or The Dog series

Who is Victoria Stillwell – https://positively.com/victorias-blog/becoming-a-dog-trainer/

Cesar Millan – love the energy this guy has.  He can walk a pack of strange dogs with complete control off leash and is happy. 

https://www.cesarsway.com/how-to-get-your-dog-to-listen-to-you/
Stuff I Discovered

of truth and lies

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Who determines truth

Truth and lies have been with us since the beginning of time. Who knows how it started, suffice to say, it’s been a problem the same length of time. Biblical times refer to Adam and Eve, but seriously, lies, white lies, and truth are human nature.

Lies come in all flavors. Sometimes used to protect ourselves, to enhance our stories, even to omit stories being used at all.

Error—a lie by mistake. The person believes they are being truthful, but what they are saying is not true.

Omission— leaving out relevant information. Easier and least risky. It doesn’t involve inventing any stories. It is passive deception and less guilt is involved.

Restructuring—distorting the context. Saying something in sarcasm, changing the characters, or altering the scene.

Denial—refusing to acknowledge a truth. The extent of denial can be quite large—they may be lying only to you just this one time or they may be lying to themselves.

Minimization—reducing the effects of a mistake, a fault, or a judgment call.

Exaggeration—representing as greater, better, more experienced, more successful.

Fabrication—deliberately inventing a false story. 

Cognitive Dissonance— Only seeking out information that confirms their existing beliefs. This phenomenon, known as the confirmation bias, affects the ability to think critically about a situation but helps minimize feelings of dissonance.

Do you lie?

Of course you do. We all do from time to time. Sometimes we lie to cover up what is a “need to know” reality. You don’t need to know so I will make something up.

Truth subjects us to a lot of discomfort and consequences, hence we often choose to take the easy way out and pick one of the types of lies above. This justifies in our mind, our reasons for choosing this type of lie. For example we’re all familiar with the Santa Claus / Easter Bunny lies. These teach our children that sometimes lying has good consequences and it makes you feel better to say it’s from Santa or the Easter Bunny rather than bring sadness by saying we can’t afford it but I spent the money anyway. It then turns into joy and masks the discomfort you feel for spending much needed funds on frivolities. It covers up truth and facts to perpetuate the belief world wide, coming from Fabrication type to Confirmation Bias because it does bring a great deal of comfort in spite of the residual feeling that you did something wrong by lying about where the items come from.

Are lies all bad? Not at all. They protect us as well. Like Santa as a child, sometimes we just don’t need or want to know the truth.

Along comes the 2020 Covid-19 year of super lies. We’ve been practicing our internet researching skills and social media foundations for a little over 2 decades now. We think we know how to get around. We’re braver behind our keyboards and often are referred to as ‘keyboard warriors’ where we’re driven to make our own point of view known in spite of little, real, truth to what we may have chosen as subject matter.

Everyone is now subjected to the truth or lie phenomenon from science and leaders to you saying you actually saw what you think you saw. Trusted sources are no longer trusted. Everyone considers themselves an expert and if someone tells them otherwise, a slew of derogatory terms hits the feed. It’s as if a trigger has gone off and everyone forgets they’re talking to real people. Confirmation Bias is the new disease erupting across social media today with internet rage as a byproduct.

‘Research’ is considered what you can find in your google search, ask jeeves, bing search or other search engine of your choosing. Reddit, Yandex, CC Search, Yahoo, SwissCows, DuckDuckGo, StartPage, Search Encrypt, Gibiru, OneSearch, Wiki.com, and so many more. Not just google.

Lie To Me

Reflections of the Soul

You lose trust in people when they constantly exaggerate the stories they tell. This is how you lose faith in other things they say. They may tell the truth most of the time but because you can’t prove it, and they don’t come clean, trust is lost. Having people in positions of leadership who lie and put down thier very own system of government causes loss of trust within countries and often results in civil wars. They can no longer trust the government has their best interests at heart.

Beautiful landscape
Facing the mirror side of yourself or the underlying reflection of your soul.

?

Stuff I Discovered

Spam In My InBox or Laugh of The Day

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Build a rock wall

Have you ever just read some of the stuff that ends up in spam? Seriously, it’s very entertaining and laughable, most times. The best ones I’ve received recently pretend to come from people I know. Really, I know they’re pretending because I know they don’t live in Russia, or China or whatever de.com is.

One even picked the name of my daughter and I have to say, it’s interesting how many countries she sends me email from when I know she’s just down the hall – IN THE SAME HOUSE.
I know if she wanted me to look at a link, she wouldn’t route her email through @ru.com to have me see it. She’d walk down the f@@!$g hall and tell me about it.

For anyone who has ever received spam, and unless you live under a rock without email, you do, take a minute and really look at it.  NO, don’t open it and DON’T, for the love of God, click on any links.  Just look at the email address it comes from and ask yourself “Is there a chance I know this person?”  Good emails do get caught in spam folders so you do have to look occasionally.

If there is any question about it’s validity and you think you know this person, make a separate, new email to this person and ask them why they would send you something like this, or in reality ask if they did send you something.  Some emails spoof people you know, some don’t even try.  I get some good love ones like this one:

spam in my inbox

 

 

I have been offered money from dignitaries in Nigeria looking to get rid of theirs. It was alluded that I might love some Brazilian girls and falling in love with a Latina.  Then a poor guy from the Ivory Coast had a business proposal saying his story relates to the Republican Forces – wow.  Some other nice guy from blomsmaptintshop also thought I was looking for a business proposal saying he got my email from a Business Directory (I’m not in one of those, I’m sure).  He wants to share an abandoned fund that has been in his bank…it gets confusing after that point but he want’s me to have 30% of 3.5 million to help him.

Suffice to say if you need a laugh, just check your spam and think of the idiocy and balls people have thinking they can lure you with bad spelling, bad grammer and email addresses from – who knows where.

Enjoy the following email exerpts:

Karidja Ibrahim <[email protected]>
Feb 17 (8 days ago)
to
Greeting to you and how is your family? sorry for the way i am
approaching you here but it is because i do not have any other choice.
I am Karidja Ibrahim From Ivory Coast. My story is connected to the
fight with the Republican Forces. I have a business proposals for you.
If you interested in listening to me i want you to reply me with your
private telephone number i will give you more details about myself. i
shall be waiting for your reply soon.

My regards
Miss karidja Ibrahim
_____________________________________________________

Mr.Peter Wharton <[email protected]>
Feb 18 (7 days ago)
to Recipients
Hello Good morning
Do you have any project or an on going project which requires funding?
I got your contact from a Business Directory in my search for a trustworthy and reliable partner for project investments. I reach you via your email so that we can work together to claim accrued excess funds worth millions of dollars if you are interested in discussing this further.
Please I need your help in claiming an abandoned fund I discovered in our Bank.The account is dormant and non operational for 10 calendar years.We stand to gain immensely on the successful completion of this mutual undertaking.This business opportunity guarantee’s you 30% of $3.5 Million USD .
I intend to reinvest this fund by putting it into the management of project owners,entrepreneurs with good business ideas and viable projects that can generate healthy return on investment.This fund cannot be paid into my bank account since I am still in active service,hence the need for your assistant.
If that is the case email me for discussion of this matter in detail. I assure you that this project is feasible and I have worked out a perfect plan to make it successful. I will discuss further details when I am sure of your willingness to do this deal with me.

Looking forward to hearing from you soonest.
Regards,

Update November 2022

Checking my inbox again 150 useless comments in the trash. The ongoing saga of really vile comments from lovely asshats all over the world with nothing better to do then push porn, pills, casino and other gambling sites and just plain nonsensical bs. Luckily, spam filters them all out and I flush them down the proverbial drain.

Stuff I Discovered

Brain Washing on the Internet Level

I read an article a while ago that sensationalized a house break-in gone bad.  It featured a man (home owner) who was arrested for shooting one of the burglars and killing him.  He was subsequently arrested for murder himself and the internet broke.

It sounds horrible to be arrested for defending your home, If this is all the information you have.  This is the stuff that sells papers and makes people shake their heads in disbelief.  Wow, just how could this happen in Canada.  Then all the political partisans have a field day somehow blaming the Prime Minister.  Seriously?

What is actually happening, is that news sources (psuedo news sources) are capitalizing on sensationalism.  They know if they only tell half the story, it’s more likely to draw numbers to their site than if they also include more facts around the whole story.  It serves their interests to only tell a half truth – technically they’re not lying – just messing people up knowing everyone will jump to their own conclusions.  And boy did they ever.

Shortly after the story came out, like the first day, there was more information on the man .  He’s known to police, for instance, has been charged in the past and sells drugs.  He was also shooting at fleeing people – not cool.   It’s more a story of a drug deal gone bad than a home owner charged for protecting himself, but that won’t sell magazines and newspapers.  The problem with bad / half truth reporting is that it buries the truth as the world picks up and perpetuates the half truth.  Lazy reporting and all sides, both liberal and conservative are guilty.  It’s more a “people jumping to conclusions and not willing to research” than a political one.

Don’t trust any news source that doesn’t have the guts to put boots on the ground and prove they’ve covered the story.  90% of the information I can find on this story is lazy reporting, just copy and paste and twist it a little more to get more sensational.

I’m also calling out the local news sources and police forces who aren’t trying to counteract this sensationalism.  As the false reports grow, the actual truth is getting so buried, no one can find it anymore.  We need a local source and the local police to provide an update to refresh this aberration of reporting and straighten out the information before the world gets any more ugly over it.

The internet is already broken….

Is there anyone who will go that extra mile to get, and report on the actual story any more?  Are there reporters who will find and write about the truth any more?  How do we trust any news source when their agenda is sensationalism and selling stories?  Questions need to answered.  There has always been sensationalized story writing, it’s just more prevalent now when all they want is to make money by copying stories from unconfirmed sources and flipping truth.

Runaway Train

Let It Go

Words to live by.

We convince ourselves that life will be better when we finish high school, when we leave home, after we get married, have a baby, then another, get a new job or move to a new location.
Then we are frustrated that when the kids are old enough it’ll be easier,  we’re frustrated that we have teenagers to deal with.
We will certainly be happy when they are out of that stage.
We tell ourselves that our life will be complete when our partner gets his or her act together when we get a nicer car, are able to go on a nice holiday, when we retire.

The truth is, there’s no better time to be happy than right now. If not now, when?

Your life will always be filled with challenges.
It’s best to admit this to yourself and decide to be happy anyway.

A quote comes from Alfred D. Souza. He said:

“For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin – real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, or a debt to be paid. Then life would begin. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life.”

This perspective has helped me to see that there is no way to happiness. Happiness is the way.
So, treasure every moment that you have and treasure it more because you shared it with someone special, special enough to spend your time…and remember that time waits for no one.

Stop waiting until you lose ten pounds, until you gain ten pounds, until you have kids, until your kids leave the house, until you start work, until you retire, until you get married, until you get divorced, until Friday night, until Sunday morning, until you get a new car or home, until your car or home is paid off, until spring, until summer, until winter, until your song comes on, until you’ve had a drink…. there is no better time than right now to be happy.

Happiness is a journey, not a destination.
Work like you don’t need money,
Love like you’ve never been hurt,
And dance like no one’s watching.
Robert Westerburg

 

 

 

Stuff I Discovered

Pay It Forward

Have you ever helped some random person you encountered when they were obviously struggling with whatever they were doing at the time?  Have you helped an old lady cross the street? Rescued a pet from certain death? Talked to someone who appeared upset or down and out?

A story:

I was just leaving a business the other day on my way to my car when I noticed two lovely elderly women waiting patiently to cross the road and a long line of cars waiting, as well, for them to cross.  I saw the confusion in everyone and quickly assessed that these ladies were waiting for the light to change to green.  The problem with that was they were actually at a stop sign at a small feeder road and the light they were waiting for was at the next, albeit close, intersection.  I approached the ladies and helped them cross the road, they were grateful, as were all the waiting vehicles.  Good deed for the day.

Stuff I Discovered

My Favourite Time of Day

I love being up in the early morning, just before the sun comes up.  Sitting quietly with my own thoughts before beginning my sometimes very busy day, is when I can organize what I want to accomplish for the day, rather then run headfirst into it, winging what I want to do.

A nice thought, but usually I just sit in front of my computer in the darkened room and read shit people post about their cats, their dogs, the political sentiments south of our border, and look at nice photos people are taking on their sunny vacations while I’m stuck here in cold Canada.

On that note, while I dread the coming of winter, the snow, the cold and the shovelling, I also love it when the trees are covered in soft white blankets and the streets take on a surreal look.  Parking becomes a problem and people are parking their cars, unintentionally, in the middle of the street because of the 5′ snowbanks between the curb and the closest you can get your car to it.  Walking becomes easier if you choose to share your passage with the struggling vehicles down the centre of the street because the sidewalks have been “plowed” with deep soft impassable layers of now slushy heavy snow.  Still, it’s all quite beautiful.

Watching the sun slowly lighten into the day, street lights going out one at a time as daylight marches across the city, is refreshing.  Every day is a new day, a new chance, a new moment in time giving you yet another attempt at making some progress on a new project or venture.  Sunrises are an inspirational boost to your spirit, pushing, lifting and cajoling your mind into a feel good state that helps you navigate the rest of your hustle and bustle day.

To enjoy this fully, you must only live in the moment.  If you dwell too much on the heavy parts of your life, the world or your bad feelings, you will not only spoil it, but will rob yourself of the moment.  Collect your thoughts and allow the peace and beauty to reach your soul.  Only then will you benefit from the beauty that surrounds you.

Stuff I Discovered

Motherhood Never Ends

I’ve had numerous thoughts on this.  Does motherhood really have an expiry date?  How do you know when to stop “mothering” your children?  Some would say you nurture your children till death us do part.  Some would say let them out on their own, push them out, cut off all help with the exception of advice.  I’m not a believer in pushing them out.  I cannot cut them off, it’s not in my make-up, personality or ability at the moment.

I have three adult children in various stages of life.  One has left the nest but we are in contact at least weekly even though she’s across the country.  Two are still at home and have suffered with anxiety, an insidious mental problem that has many forms and many levels.  It’s a kind of description given when no-one really knows what the actual problem is.  You spend years trying to figure it out when really, can you? or should you try to move forward instead of dwelling in the past.

I have many years of experience working through this as a provider, although it’s never really clear if I am also part of the problem.  We have been to many therapists, psychologists, psychiatrists and just plain GP’s.  Most of them recommend drugs in various forms and take thousands out of your hard earned income where progress is measured in years not visits.  One of my children has embraced the drugs and it’s really working well.  I’m a fan of what works – if it doesn’t work for you, then that’s ok.  If you don’t believe it works, it never will.

Anxiety issues are a mix of beliefs, chemical, environmental, historical and current events,  all of which makes it nearly impossible to pinpoint the exact moment or reason for your current state of mind.  How did we get here?  What’s the path back?  What even is a “normal” life supposed to be?

Conviction to change is powerful tool when trying to redirect your life and many articles, songs, Ted Talks, quotes, books and websites are devoted to it.  It’s really the only thing that moves you forward.  If you don’t have the conviction to change, no amount of money or power or positive talk will help you.

This brings us to the caregiver.

What is the most powerful tool they have?  Love, support and also conviction to help the person succeed.  Success can be measured in many ways.  Maybe they finally made that phone call that’s had them in sweats just thinking about it, maybe they finally went to the dentist and had those fillings that have filled them with dread, maybe went to the store by themselves for the first time and bought something.  These are successes and even though the world does this daily – it’s new to them and they succeeded.  The support is tricky, don’t over play it, don’t belittle it by saying you could do better, don’t ignore it either.   Don’t forget to look after yourself.  Sometimes I forget that part and start feeling like a slave.  It’s okay to say you’re feeling overwhelmed but that you always have their back.  You can show vulnerability because that’s part of life and showing how to cope with pressures is a good teacher for those frozen because of it.

I’m on this journey.  It’s a never-ending story that I will part of until I die.   Maybe you have a similar story.  Life is an iceberg and you can only really work with what’s above the waterline, but we know there is so much more under the water.  Learn from the past but don’t dwell on it.  Take what’s in your heart and mold it into your future.  Follow your dreams, make plans but don’t be disappointed if they fall through.  Life has a path for you whether you mold your future or not.  Where will your path lead you?

Stuff I Discovered

Explicit Dispatch of Thought

 

Join me in a cuppa?
Join me in a cuppa?

Have you ever been so crippled by wanting to say something but afraid of saying something offensive that you end up saying nothing at all?  I know this could describe half of all conversations that take place.  Conversation really is a tricky thing.  The biggest problem, interpretation, in fact it may be the only problem, that counts.

Written conversation ie: letters, chat, comments, forums are all one sided, mono tonal and you’re at the mercy of whomever reads it to interpret what you really intended to say.  There isn’t the same emotion and inflection to ensure your meaning is understood. This isn’t a problem if you’re in a climate of similar interests and the subject matter is well known, but quickly deteriorates when you move to a more public forum.  In the public forum, it’s very, very important to be explicit in explaining what you really mean.

That being said, live and vibrant conversation is another area where a whole new set of communication rules take effect.  Now you have emotion, inflection, tone and also body language that all goes together to help people understand what you’re saying.  Sending all sorts of messages, intended and unintended.

Have you ever listened to someone telling you something but getting the uneasy feeling that they either didn’t believe what they were saying or were lying to you?  This is directly related to body language and your subconscious interpretation of it.  The tone of your voice, the way you stand, the facial gestures you make all give the audience a clue not only to what you’re saying, but how you feel about the subject in question.

All this is to say that when you want your subject to be understood and interpreted correctly, you need to write it out, reread it, tweak it and have someone else read it to you as well in order to ensure you’ve said exactly what you want to say.

Don’t get stalled by analysis paralysis on the spot, research your subject, be sure about what your saying and deliver it with meaning and conviction.  Research your choice of words (google is your friend) and your audience will be less inclined to write you off or lose interest in your topic because of the delivery.

Did That Just Happen?